


Dance Like There's Nobody Watching

by NightingalesAndHandGrenades (Nightingalesandhandgrenades)



Category: Midsomer Murders - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Midsomer is a funny place, OT3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-06-29 09:44:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightingalesandhandgrenades/pseuds/NightingalesAndHandGrenades
Summary: Work life in Brighton for Ben Jones is just that - work life. He enjoys it, but he also misses Midsomer. He's probably the only person to ever say that. Going back for a visit takes planning, and it doesn't happen as often as he would like. But after a while it starts to put a strain on him.





	1. Of Young John Henry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chaos_monkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_monkey/gifts), [tea_for_lupin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tea_for_lupin/gifts), [TessAlyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessAlyn/gifts).



“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”  
― Carl Gustav Jung

The drive up from Brighton is only three hours. Roughly. Depending on the traffic. Only three hours Ben doesn't have most weekends. He's been buried under the paperwork of cases and other responsibilities. Nobody said that being a junior DI is going to be easy. He's happy with his job, but as the weeks go by, he has less and less time to even think about going to see John and Sarah,

It annoys him, it gnaws at him like a wild, hungry animal. Every time Betty learns something new, he gets a photo or a video, but it's not the same thing as witnessing her growing in person. She's not even Ben's child, but he loves the little girl like she's his own. He misses John and Sarah too. It's not the same going home to his small flat that carries no feeling of home. There is a kitchen, there is a bed, and there is a bathroom. A picture of Ben and the Barnabys before he left. But it doesn't feel like home. It's a house that serves a purpose.

It's one of those evenings again. Ben glances at the clock and curses under his breath. It's almost ten o'clock, and he's been at the station since eight that morning. John would admonish him for not looking after himself. Ben sighs and digs out a chocolate bar from his drawer. 

Ben gets on well with his Sargent, but he misses the easy camaraderie he had with John. The job is good too. He enjoys being a DI. It gives is brain something to do every day. Brighton police has put him through fire arms training too, Ben loving every moment of it. The thrill, the responsibility. It carries a weight even if he doesn't wear a fire arm on a day-to-day basis. 

Jones rubs his eyes, chewing on the chocolate slowly, feeling the numbness slowly melt away from his body. Too much sitting at the paperwork, but the current case report isn't even remotely finished, and the Chief Super wants it as soon as possible. It had been a messy case involving a bunch of teenagers. Long, stupid and messy. But that's what Brighton often is. Messy. 

Ben often finds solace on the pier. It reminds him of Wales that he really never knew. A way to ground himself while he's on his own. To distress. Back in Causton, he would often end up at John and Sarah's for dinner and wine. They'd watch mindless telly and then slowly make love. Fall asleep, limbs tangled till either the dog had to go out, an alarm went off, or Betty stirred. Brighton can't offer him that. So Ben goes for a run in the evening on the beach to keep his body occupied. It allows his mind to switch off, and he doesn't go to bed on those nights still thinking about the case.

A bell chimes ten o'clock somewhere outside. The window is open, and the summer breeze carries sea salt in it. Jones stretches, feeling his joints pop, and goes back to his report. Just a few more lines, he thinks. It's never how it really works. Two hours later, Ben stops typing because his vision goes blurry around the edges. He saves and sends the report off, and goes to put on another pot of coffee. Might as well see what else he can finish. It's past the hour of sleepy. It's now gone to bone tired, but definitely not sleepy. 

A door opens and shuts somewhere in the nick, and Ben is jerked from his snooze by his phone ringing.  
''Jones,''  
He answers automatically, not even checking the caller ID, brain still fuzzy with sleep.

''Don't tell me you are still at the station,''  
It's John. He sounds chipper, but his voice is now laced with concern.

Ben doesn't remember the last time he called. His brain scrambles to catch up, and supply some information.  
''I got carried away on a report last night...''

It's a weak excuse. He suddenly feels exhausted. Sleeping in an office chair is for someone younger.  
John sighs on the other end, and it's a stab of pain right between Ben's ribs.

''I was going to invite you to come of next weekend. We're thinking about doing a barbecue,''  
There is a hint of hope in John's voice, and Ben's heart swells three sizes with the love he feels.

''I'll try. It has been crazy busy down here,''  
Is that an apology? Maybe.

''I know. I remember how it gets. We miss you, is all. Think about it. Give us a ring,''  
they're interrupted by Ben's sergeant and he can hear the doorbell go on John's end.

''I'll..I'll give you a call if I can get away,''  
Ben says and they ring off.

No 'I love you' this time. As progressive as people are in Brighton, Ben is still careful. His relationship with John and Sarah is definitely not conventional. Oh he has no illusion that people down here know what polyamory is. But he can't help his Midsomer conditioning. It's better this way. No personal attachments. Brighton, really, is just a work place. Ben tosses the phone on the table and groans, rubbing his face. It's not the first time he's slept in the office, but the disappointment in John's voice still rings in his ears. It possibly the time he re-evaluate his life commitments. And priorities. A case calls him away from his desk and from the barbecue on offer. He desperately wants to get there and spend a good weekend away from Brighton and away from crime. Or crime he has to investigate. He loves his job, but he loves John and Sarah more. And yet, it's another messy case. Dread pools in his gut when he gets in the car to drive to the crime scene.


	2. What your heart tells you

A week later Ben's had enough. He's exhausted and his nerves are shot. At least the case is finished, and he's cleared a week of vacation. He's on the bottom of the rota, and that means peace and quiet at least for a little bit. He dials John's number. It's not yet too late.

''Hello Ben,''  
John's voice sounds surprised, but he can hear joy as well.

''I know I should have called earlier. Got stuck on a case. I've cleared a week,''  
He balances the phone between his ear and his shoulder, throwing bits of clothing into an overnight bag.

''Drive carefully. Stop if you have to. Sarah will have both of out heads if you don't,''  
Ben can hear the confirmation of that in the background, and it makes the butterflies dance in his stomach. Like the first time he went over there for a long weekend without any idea that it would grow into a loving and caring long-term relationship.

''I'll be careful and won't abuse the speed limit,''  
Ben promises, but a grin is now splitting his face in two. He's ready to get out on the road.

''Love you,''  
John and Sarah say in unison and they ring off.

Three hours. It's not a long time. He'll stop at a coffee place and pick up something to much on. It will keep his eyes open and senses sharp. Ben has thought about leaving the next morning, but now he discards that idea in favour of now.   
The drive is uneventful. He stops at a coffee place and then at three petrol stations on the way to actually get out of the car and help the circulation in his legs going again. The radio keeps him awake enough so the drive doesn't turn dangerous. That and coffee. He'll be jittery as soon as he gets to Causton, but it's a worthy sacrifice. Thankfully, there is not a lot of traffic that could make the journey longer than it already is. 

The normal three hours stretches into four and a half by the time he parks the car on John and Sarah's street. He's hungry and tired, but satisfied. And he's avoided going over the speed limit. Mostly. 

Ben turns the engine off, grabs his bag and barely remembers to lock the car in anticipation. The easy slide of the key into the lock, the familiar click. He does knock to warn the inhabitants of the house he's coming in, but they have been waiting. 

The house smells like curry, and it almost knocks Ben sideways. That and Paddy, whose nails scrap on the kitchen floor before he greets Ben with an excited bark, followed by John's voice, trying to make the dog shut up. Ben glances at the clock in the hall. Betty must already be asleep, so he bends down to put swap the bag for the dog, and scoop Paddy up while he closes the door.

''Sorry,''  
He says apologetically, letting the little dog down again, but John just waves him off and pulls the younger man into his arms.

''It's all right, sweetheart. This house has thick walls''.

Ben laughs and wraps his own arms around his companion. John smells of home and love, and curry, and there is a hint of cherries and nutmeg as always. The scent Ben now knows is just John. He's missed evenings here. If it was possible, he would just move in, but that's not really how the world works. At least not at the moment.

''Hello, stranger! Welcome home,''  
Another, more feminine form joins their hug and Ben wraps one arm around Sarah, grinning like an absolute fool.

''Are you hungry?''  
John eventually asks, kissing the younger man on the cheek and disentangling himself to get plates out of the oven where they're warming up.

''Starving. I had a Chelsea bun earlier today and about five coffees, but that's everything since breakfast,''  
He confesses, not letting go of Sarah and pressing his lips to her hair. Breakfast these days often is coffee and a croissant if he's got the time.

''They don't feed you enough down in Brighton,''  
She teases, poking Ben in the ribs where he's ticklish, but there is real disapproval in her voice.

He doesn't really know what to say to that. Ben can cook. He can cook well, but there is not a lot of point in cooking for just himself. Or so he thinks. What's the point of slaving behind the stove when he's barely awake. That's how people burn their houses down. So his food is mainly quick, easy and comes out of a packet. He doesn't remember the last time the hob was on. 

They eat dinner and Ben talks about Brighton. John talks about the latest Midsomer case. They gossip over a glass of wine, but Ben can't drink more than one. He stifles a yawn and John glances at the clock. It's not late by any real standards, but Ben looks exhausted. There is no reason to keep the poor lad up for longer than necessary. 

''Right, off to bed with you. There is another towel in our bathroom. I have to do a bit of work before I can turn in,''  
Ben nods and steals a kiss from each Barnaby before going upstairs.

He stops by Betty's room for a moment. She is sound asleep, and the only light in her room comes from the fluorescent stars Ben helped to stick on the ceiling. He'll take her to park tomorrow.

Shower is a true Godsend. He doesn't even bother with pyjamas. Clean boxers it is. Their bed is crisp and smells of the lavender fabric softener they all prefer. It feels like true homecoming. It doesn't take Ben long to disconnect, and when John and Sarah finally come to bed, he's snoring softly.

''He looks absolutely drained,''  
Sarah says, quietly, pausing in the bathroom door while John brushes his teeth.

''We'll put him to rights in no time,''  
John says around a mouthful of toothpaste, and Sarah grins, crawling into the bed.

As soon as John joins her and the light goes off, Ben murmurs something and snuggles against Sarah's side, pulling John's arm tighter around him. He's so open and honest like this. Open and raw. John kisses Ben's shoulder and allows his own mind and body to succumb to sleep.


	3. Home Is People

The alarm clock is blaring, and Ben slowly opens one eye, trying to figure out whether he's dreaming about it or not. No, he isn't. It's not even his alarm. Sarah murmurs something and reaches to shut it before snuggling closer to Ben's warmth. He hums and dozes off again. 

Next time he opens an eye is when he feels Sarah get up and move around the room. John is still a pleasant, warm weight against his back, and Ben tries to figure out what time it is. 

''You're thinking too loud,''  
John grumbles and presses a kiss to the back of Ben's neck. 

''What time is it?''  
His voice is still full of sleep, but he does flip onto his back and offers John a proper kiss. 

''Too early,''  
Ben grins and steals another kiss.

Sarah emerges from the bathroom and stops to drop a kiss on John's cheek and then Ben's forehead before she gets dressed.  
''You two might be able to laze about, but some of us have to work,''  
There is no heat in her voice. Just fondness. 

Ben grins and seeks the warmth again before sleep takes him. It feels like a luxury to sleep in this way. He feels John slide out of bed at some point, there are voices downstairs, then the door opens and closes. Next time he's fully conscious again is when John puts a cup of coffee on the bedside cabinet, sits on the edge of the bed and kisses his cheek.

''I have to go to work, sleepyhead,''  
Ben hums and winds his arms around John's waist, propping his head up on his thigh.

''Call-out?''  
His voice is rough with sleep and he groans when the other man's fingers cradle through his hair.

''Unfortunately you'll have to amuse yourself today,''  
John's voice is soft and a little apologetic. He tugs on Ben's hair with a little more force and leans down to kiss the man.

''I much rather stay and play, love. Winter's downstairs, so I have to go,''  
Ben pouts but steals another kiss. 

It's how it is. When he was John's Sergeant, it was exactly the same. Midsomer doesn't wait for Ben Jones to have enough time with his partners. He silently asks all the Midsomer criminals to go to hell, but moves his head and lets the other man go.

He sits up when the door closes downstairs, and reaches for his coffee and his phone. No pone calls, no emails, no Facebook messages from desperate colleagues asking when he's going to be in. Nothing. Just peace and quiet for a while. He finishes his coffee and slowly moves through the morning routine. Shower, dressing, then padding downstairs to make more coffee and find breakfast. He'll go shopping later and cook dinner. Something simple yet tasty for all of them. 

This house feels like home. But Ben would feel home no matter where as long as his partners are there. He ends up spending the day in front of the TV, then going shopping with Paddy, and starting on dinner around four. It's simple, it's domestic, but he feels the kind of content he misses in Brighton. 

Sarah's car turns into the drive a little after four, and he can hear her talking to Betty.   
''Hi, darling, would you mind taking her for a moment?''  
She asks, answering her ringing phone, and Ben's only happy to assist. 

They end up sharing the dinner cooking and spending time with Betty. John is running late, but on a case it's really not a surprise. He comes through the door a couple of hours later, looking tired and deep in thought. Ben bites his tongue and doesn't ask. Firstly, he can't because it's really none of his business unless John wants to share. Secondly, he's supposed to be on a break, and the break doesn't involve solving murders out of his own jurisdiction.

Ben puts Betty to bed and reads her a story. Sometimes he thinks it must be a little strange for her having him around so much. And yet, they are in no way related. Not by blood. He knows that family doesn't end in blood, but it must still be strange. Or it's just in his own head.

He looks up when John steps into the room to kiss is daughter good night.   
''Thank you,''  
He murmurs, dropping a kiss on Ben's head too and leading him out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. 

He crowds Ben against the nearest wall and brings their mouths together in a hungry kiss that leaves the younger man breathing hard and weak in the knees. He...he wants. He always wants.   
''I've missed you, Ben,''  
John's voice is rough and it makes Ben want to just do things.

''It's not quite the same without you down in Brighton either,''  
He confesses, but it's an unnecessary confession.

''We'll have a proper conversation about your living situation when I'm less tired,''  
Ben nods but it's a conversation he's not looking forward to. John lead him to the bedroom and spends time undressing the younger man as if he was the most important thing for him in that moment. And maybe it really is.

''I just want to hold you, if that's all right,''  
the older man murmurs against Ben's skin, palms sliding over his shoulders and around his waist.

Being close like this feels like such a luxury these days. Ben doesn't have it in him to protest. He wants to bottle of this feeling of being home, and take it with him down to Brighton. He kisses John and rests his head on the older man's chest as soon as they get into bed. Sarah is still downstairs finishing up something or other for her work. 

''This feels like properly being home,''   
He says, pressing a kiss to John's chest. 

The other man hums in approval and tilts Ben's head up to kiss him properly. It's a possessive kiss and Ben moans softly, opening his mouth to the tongue demanding access. Arousal thrums in his veins, but there is no rush to do anything about it quite yet. He's going to be here tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that. 

''I'm sorry both of us have kind of left you to your own devices,''  
John says when they break apart and Ben settles down against his chest again. 

''You know I'm a big boy, Sir,''  
Ben teases and the other man grins.  
''It's ok. I'm going to be here for a week, so we'll get to spend time together properly''.  
Ben is really unsure whether he's reassuring himself or John. Maybe a bit of both.

''I'll finish the case, and we'll go out properly. Take both of my sweethearts out for a nice dinner somewhere outside Midsomer,''

''That sounds like a plan. You mentioned something about a barbecue?''  
John groans.

''There is that. We thought it would be a nice way to celebrate summer and get everyone together. And it gave us an excuse to see if you could come and visit,''

''Have you been scheming, Sir?''  
Ben grins against John's skin and presses a kiss where he can feel the other man's heart beating steadily.

''My lips are sealed, DI Jones. You'll have to ask my wife,''  
As if Sarah is going to fess up. Ben knows her better than that. He's also just happy to be here and share time with some of his favourite people in the world.

They speak for a few more minutes and doze off. Ben wakes up when Sarah slides into the bed. He has no idea what time it is, but John is snoring softly, wrapped around him like a possessive blanket.

''I missed you two,''  
He whispers and almost feels her smile in the darkness.

''You know you're always welcome, sweetheart. I know the job is important for now, but I don't like seeing what it's doing to you,,''  
Her voice is serious and Ben reaches out to link their fingers together.

''I'll be all right. I've put feelers out about coming back to Causton. There will be some vacancies coming up next year or in a couple of years time. I'm spoken to Chief Super here and he's going to keep my CV on file,''  
He grins when Sarah presses a happy kiss to his lips.

''You'll have to tell me about it tomorrow,''  
She says, pressing close and Ben wraps an arm around her.

He sleeps peacefully, feeling safe and wrapped in a cocoon of love. It's what he needs, that's for sure. Work and life situation will be something to think about, that's for sure.


	4. To Forge A New Path

John slides out of bed first the next morning. He presses a kiss to Ben's cheek and then Sarah's before he goes to shower. Ben thinks about joining him for a moment, but abandons the plan when he looks at the clock. It's way too early, and if John is on a case, he is not in a mood to play. It's quite amazing what one learns working with someone closely. Ben doesn't even quite remember how their transition from friends to lovers happened. Well, that's not exactly true. There was wine and dinner, and oh... 

It hits him like a ton of bricks. In his own dazed idea of ''I want to go home'', his own stubbornness, and self-pity, his brain has blanked out what the date is on the weekend. It's their anniversary of sorts. John Barnaby is a pragmatic man, but some things he cherishes and holds dear. One of them is remembering dates. Important dates, Ben's brain supplies. And Ben had completely blanked this one. Thank God he is actually here, and doesn't have to wake up on the morning forgetting the date. That first night he came over and they had dinner, and wine, and it was a hot summer's day. They sat outside and drank more wine, talking about silly things. They had kissed him that night, each in turn, turning Ben's bones into liquid. 

John comes out of the shower and Ben's shaken out of his memory now very aware that he's hard. He shamelessly ogles John while the man gets dressed and reaches to stroke himself lazily.  
''Oi,''  
John chastises the younger man but there is no real heat in his voice. There is heat in his eyes when they settle on Ben's not to subtle motion under the covers.

''It's not my fault you don't want to play, Sir,''  
Ben's tone is pure innocence even though neither of his lovers believe that for one second. 

''Don't tease the man before he's had coffee, Ben,''  
Sarah's breath tickles his ear, and Ben shudders involuntarily. Her smaller hand joins his and Ben's breath hitches. He's missed this.

''Yes, listen to the voice of reason,''  
John agrees, sitting down on the side of the bed to get his socks and shoes on. He leans down to press a hot, lingering kiss to Ben's mouth and sneaks his hand under the covers to give Ben's erection an appreciative squeeze.

''I wish I could bend you over the nearest surface, believe me. I am but a simple man. Alas, it would certainly raise questions from my sergeant I'm not yet ready to answer,''  
He leans in for a kiss Sarah she eagerly grants him, her hand not stopping its movement up and down Ben's shaft, making the man moan and arch his hips towards the touch.

''I'll make it up to you both, I promise,''  
John's voice is husky and his aftershave tickles Ben's nose, sending his mind and body into overdrive.

He's not normally the needy type, but separation and stress has reduced his body to a few simple needs. It's not the first time that has happened either. Ever since moving to Brighton, if he gets busy and can't come up for a few months, his body decides that food, sleep and sex for the first few days is all he really wants. It's almost like a strange take on hibernation. 

The doorbell rings and John pulls away.  
''Way to ruin the mood, Sir,''  
Ben tries to joke, but he's breathless, pupils dilated,

John just presses a kiss to his cheek and then kisses Sarah before he leaves. They both hear him open the door for Winter shortly afterwards, and then the door closes. Ben groans and pulls Sarah in for a proper kiss.  
''I've missed you so much,''  
His voice isn't quite working at the moment, but she looks as flushed as he is.

''We've missed you too, sweetheart. Believe, we have. It's not quite the same without you,''  
Her breath tickles his lips, and he kisses her again. 

It's another coming home for Ben. Feeling her tight, wet heat close around him. He moans and sucks on her nipple, drawing out a moan. It's slow and messy, and they are not in a rush. Ben makes her come twice before he lets his own orgasm rip through him like a hurricane. Sarah settles down against his chest, both of them breathing heavily.

''Told you we missed you,''  
Her voice is still breathless, but it makes him laugh and press a kiss to her hair.

''I would never doubt you,''  
And it's the truth. 

Sex isn't the most important part of their relationship, but all three of them certainly enjoy it. It would be foolish to try and deny it. And it would mean lying to themselves and to one another. John and Ben established fairly soon into this relationship that that was not in the cards. No lies. They both see far too much of that at work. Ben doesn't want to taint whatever they have with dishonesty. He'd rather have a screaming match. 

''Thank God for late morning meetings,''  
Sarah hums and Ben tilts her head upwards, so he can kiss her. It feels sacred every time.

''Thank God for vacations,''  
he teases and she pokes his ribs playfully.

''I need a shower if you care to join me,''  
She doesn't make an attempt to move quite just yet, and Ben isn't going to protest.

They doze for a few minutes before shuffling to the shower and getting dressed. There is no need for a conversation, not really. Ben makes breakfast while Sarah sips her coffee and looks through her emails. He leaves her eating in favour of going upstairs to get Betty up and dressed. 

''I love that you're so good with her,''  
Sarah observes when they both come downstairs and grins at the man's blush.

''She's part of you. I'd make a crap boyfriend if I couldn't look after her,''  
He shrugs, but preens under praise. 

''I'm pretty sure that's impossible,''  
She shoots back.

They banter and eat breakfast. It's morning like this Ben misses the most. Or lazy Sundays when they are in no rush to be anywhere, except the park or to go for a day out. Evenings when John and Sarah go out and Ben happily looks after Betty under Paddy's watchful gaze. He swears the little dog knows more than he lets on. First time he offered to babysit, Ben thought he might feel envious, even jealous, but it never happened. Now they happily share parenting and evenings out. It just feels like the missing piece Ben had been looking for years has finally fallen into place. 

''All right, I'm afraid I have to dash. Are you all right dropping Betty at nursery?''  
Sarah's voice shakes him out of the day-dream, and he nods.

''Sure. Do you want me to pick her up as well?''  
He's been on the trusted people list ever since Betty was born. Besides, even though he's off duty at the moment, Ben still carries his warrant card with him.

''Would you mind? I'm afraid the finance committee meetings tend to be long and tedious, and this time I can't use her as an excuse to get out early,''  
They grin at one another. 

Sarah kisses Betty, and then Ben before grabbing her car keys and bag, and leaving Ben to clear up breakfast dishes.

''It's just you and me now, kiddo. Let's get this show on the road, all right? Otherwise, uncle BenBen might get his butt kicked by some adults,''  
And the only people allowed to kick his butt are John and Sarah, and only in bedroom, and only in the most delightful of ways. Not that he's going to tell that to Betty. She might be quite young, but she's not a baby anymore, and Ben is keenly aware of those signature Barnaby observation skills.

This little girl is not only going to break some hearts when she's older, but also probably some fragile egos who won't be ready for her. Dropping Betty off at nursery is a delightful thing simply because It makes Ben feel like he belongs in this way as well as others. He's promised an old school friend a visit, so that's his day settled at least till lunch time. Then he's picking Betty up and going to the park with her until Sarah gets out of her meetings. Depending on how the case is going, he might be able to lure John and Winter out for a pint after they clock off for the day.

Or that is the plan so far. He takes his time, circling around Causton before he drives out on the road he knows so well. Not all of his Midsomer memories are great ones, but there is a lot of nostalgia for him in this county. 


	5. My Rock And My Salvation

That was the plan anyway before it gets interrupted by a phone call from Sarah around lunch time. One of her meetings has been postponed to a later, so she suggests they go to lunch together before getting Betty from the nursery.

John is still somewhere in Midsomer chasing a suspect, so Ben and Sarah go out for a pub lunch. It feels perfectly normal – sitting outside in the sunshine with home-made burgers, chips and a pint. 

''So when are you going to run yourself into the ground?''  
She asks casually, and the work stops halfway to Ben's mouth. 

''I don't know...''  
He starts but falls silent under her intense gaze.

''Ben, I know your job is important to you. But you can't keep going like this,''  
He knows he's caught. 

Well, there is no way to hide his living habits from the two people who know him better than his own family. 

''It's a habit, I guess. It's just a place I live,''  
He says, taking a long drink of his pint.

''Overworked and underpaid is something I hear from John quite often. I get it, sweetheart, I do. I just hate seeing you this exhausted and unhappy,''  
She knows him way too well. Ben feels himself blush.

''I find myself missing you guys when I'm down there. But I still have to... prove myself within the job....''  
Sarah reaches out to squeeze his hand.

''You only have something to prove if you want to prove something to yourself. You're a good DI, Ben, so you don't have to kill yourself trying to prove something. We'd rather you move back here and work in a chip shop but don't look like you've lost way too much weight and haven't slept for a month,''  
Her eyes soften and she entwines their fingers. 

Ben looks at her, startled. Public displays of affection are rare between them. Although they live in the 21st century, Midsomer is still very conservative. Their relationship is not usual by the standards of the people who live in this county. Not by far. Both John and Sarah work in the public eye, so they are mindful of what they show the world. It's different when they are behind closed doors. There are so many occasions when he wants to reach out and touch while they're out for dinner, but the amount of eyes on them hold him back. This gesture from Sarah is a surprise, and it sends a shiver down his spine.

''A year more. I'm staying another year. There is a teaching course in London in about three months and I would like to take it. And then contract up here or in one of the neighbouring counties. I might need a place to crash till I find somewhere...''  
Sarah grins and Ben lifts her fingers to his lips for a kiss.  
''Oh I'm sure we could find a room for you. We have actually thought about moving. If you'd like to think about joining the list of names on the mortgage...''  
His eyes widen at that. 

''I don't have to think about it at all. With the sale of my Nan's place, there is a sum in the bank account that could be put to a better use...if you'll have me...''  
Somehow this conversation has become much more serious than it was just a moment ago.

But that's part of it, he thinks. Life in Brighton doesn't allow him to actually spend enough time up here for these conversations. Between their jobs and other duties, somehow thoughts of the future have been put off. Ben is sure of his feelings for these two people, but he wouldn't be the one to say anything first. It's a long-term commitment for all three of them. He knows he's ready for it. Maybe has been for quite some time. 

''Of course. We've talked about this at some length recently. We should really sit down and have this conversation again when one of us doesn't look like a car hit him...repeatedly... although you're regaining colour. You're still too thin. And the other one should be present while he's not chasing people around the county,''  
She offers Ben a smile and lets go of his hand to continue demolish her lunch.

Ben, on his part, feels about a million tons lighter. Like he's finally heard what he needed to hear, and the cobwebs from his brain are finally gone. It's a fantastic feeling. 

''I didn't know much I needed to hear it...until you said it,''  
He admits, a little sheepish and a little pink from... it's not really embarrassment. 

''It's all right. If you and John would be left to talk about your feelings without any help we would be stuck in this loop till the apocalypse,''  
She winks and returns to her meal, glancing at the clock on her phone. There is time, but Sarah hates being late. 

Ben returns the grin and finishes his own food. He does feel lighter and Sarah is correct. He has never been very good at talking about his feelings, and as good as John is, there is still some awkwardness around it. Maybe they do need to talk about it too. 

Picking up Betty is not awkward anymore. It used to be for a little bit before they got into a routine. Now it just feels like another piece of the puzzle. Milling around the house, cooking dinner, sitting down for a movie. Ben enjoys rolling around on the floor with Betty. Playing with her stuffed animals and dolls, the occasional police car that ''somehow'' has found its way into the toy chest. She's not on the kids toy kitchen era, so Ben gets to eat a lot of pretend cake. His cup of tea is real, however, and he keeps it well out of the little girl's reach after six o'clock. He's pretty sure his Nan used to Irish up his evening cuppa when Ben was young just to get him to sleep easier.

He was enjoying the fact that Betty had moved from Peppa Pig to Tomas the Tank Engine, and refused to watch Teletubbies. He knows most of the songs from Frozen and Moana by now. It really comes with the territory, John said, humming along to one of the songs of this or another Disney movie. Ben doesn't really mind. He wants to get back into singing more often. And more than just participating in a drunken karaoke on a Friday evening at the pub.

This evening is no exception. He plays with Betty and then gives her a bath while Sarah is making dinner and on the phone with someone. Betty settled in bed, he starts reading her a story. He's picked up a Moomin book for her, and she is still at the age where the sounds of his voice is more important than the story itself. The next thing Ben feels is John's lips on his temple.

''Sorry, she wore me out,''  
He says, yawning and blinking up at the other man who just grins fondly and presses a kiss to his forehead.

''Dinner is ready if you want any. Otherwise, I think it's bed time for you,''  
Ben pouts but gets up and tucks Betty in. 

''I had a big lunch and kept nibbling on things. Not hungry. I also seem to be doing way too much sleeping and not spending enough time seeing you,''  
He can hear the petulance in his own voice. Ben tries for a humour, but John sees straight through it.

Ben can see that the other man is tired. Probably wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and not babysit him. Or maybe his brain is just tired and he needs a more cheery disposition.  
''Come on, DI Jones. Shower first,''

Ben wants to argue, but John doesn't seem in the mood for it, so he undresses and heads for the shower. He runs the water and almost jumps when John slides under the spray with him.  
''Are you going to be bratty tonight, Ben?''  
John's voice is quiet, but there is an edge to it that sends a shiver down Ben's spine. He can feel heat pool in his belly and reaches for the other man, unsure of what to do with his hands.

''I love you,''  
He murmurs into John's neck and the other man sighs, sliding his arms around Ben's waist and hugging the man close.

''Always, sweetheart. You know that, right?''  
His tone has turned softer. Ben presses his lips to the other man's neck and nods.

John sighs, unconvinced, but tilts Ben's head to press their lips together. Just for a moment. Ben wants more. He needs... he doesn't even know where want ends and need starts, but the other man doesn't seem to be in a hurry.

''You don't need a quick shag tonight, Ben. I want to make love to you properly, but I am way to tired for it,''  
He knows John is just being honest, but he can't help the pang of rejection cursing through him.

''Don't even think about it,''  
John's voice is a low growl and Ben looks him in the eye before the older man crushes their mouths together in a possessive and bruising kiss. 

He wraps a hand around Ben's erection and gives it a squeeze. The younger man moans and his hips buck towards John who backs him up till his back is braced against the cold shower wall. Ben moans loudly when John's hot mouth engulfs his length and his head falls back against the wall with a thump.

''Oh God, John....''  
Ben's voice is not working anymore. It's somewhere between a moan and a whine. 

John hums and uses Ben's hip for leverage. He's missed this too. There is not enough energy in him to do it properly like Ben deserves. But he would be a hypocrite if he denies both of them this. He can't pretend that his thoughts haven't turned to his younger lover on more than one occasion, wishing him there. He wants to spend time undressing Ben properly, to spread him out on their bed and kiss and caress every inch of his body. This man deserves a night of lovemaking that John just cannot give him. 

Ben is close, his hips stutter, and he tries to warn John before he comes with a groan and John's name in his lips. There is nothing gentle about his orgasm. It's powerful and he sees stars dancing behind closed eyelids, heart beating rapidly and blood rushing in his ears. John pulls off and presses a kiss to Ben's softening cock, then his hip and then gets up to seal their re-union with a kiss. Ben can taste himself on the other man's lips, and it feels somehow sacred.

''I love you,''  
He murmurs and John caresses his face.

''I love you too, sweetheart. Come on, let's get out dry and in bed''.

''But what about you?''  
Ben's voice is hoarse, but John just kisses his cheek and shuts off the shower pulling Ben out with him and wrapping the man in a soft towel.

''I'm good, my love, come on,''  
Ben lets himself be led to the bed and tucked in. 

John pulls on a pair of boxers, soft tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt, and sits down on the edge of the bed when Ben reaches for him.  
''I always want you, Ben. If I don't want to fuck, it's never because I don't want you,''  
There is something so raw and honest in his voice, that Ben has to closes his eyes for a moment and swallow the lump in his throat.

''Sleep, love. I need to go eat some food,''  
John finally says and leans in for another soft kiss before he turns off the light and leaves Ben in the darkness.


	6. You Are My Strength

John leaves the bedroom door slightly ajar and goes downstairs. He accepts a glass of wine from Sarah and empties it in three large gulps.

''That bad?''  
Her eyebrow shoots up, and John sighs, refilling his glass and topping up hers. 

''It's not bad...well...depends on what you're talking about''.

''What are you talking about?''

''Ben...the case... a bit of both, I guess''.

''Come, dinner is still warm,''  
She kisses him and they sit down to eat.

''You worry about him,''  
John eventually says, not looking up from his plate, but Sarah know what he means.

''Of course. So do you. I talked to him at lunch today. He said yes to our proposal,''  
That gets John's attention because his head shoots up in surprise.

''He did? Just like that?''

''Did you expect him to refuse?''

''Partially. Some part of me though he would refuse because of work and career options he has down in Brighton''.

''Do you want him to refuse?''

''No, of course not! You know how I feel about him,''  
John sighs and puts his fork down so he can lift Sarah's fingers to his lips and press a kiss to them.

''I'm worried about him pushing too hard. He feels he has something to prove. And maybe to himself. But not to me, and I think – not to you either,''  
Her voice is steady and John nods, letting go of her hand and returning to his dinner.

''I just want to take care of him. He's a good DI and I want him to succeed. But the job is killing him. Or it's himself, I don't know,''  
Sarah grins as John's detective brain turns itself on again, and analyses everything it has seen in Ben this time.

''Normally we just spend time together when he's up here, and I don't want to cause upset by mentioning that he looks thinner than I remember or more tired than I thought was healthy,'' he says. ''I don't remember the last time I asked Ben about his feelings... doubts or otherwise. I'm not very good at that...''

It's not secret that John Barnaby, the great DI that he is, is also often at a loss of what to say. He can comfort victims or crime or those mourning for their loved ones. Talking about his own feelings with another man – not so much. Maybe it's different with Ben, because Ben's opinion really matters.

''You don't have to tell me this,'' Sarah says, poking his hand. ''I already know how you feel and how you think. We have been married enough years for me to develop a sixth sense around you. Ben is still unsure of his place in this relationship at times. He's way too polite to say anything...or doesn't want to in case it stirs unwanted emotions''.

That takes John by surprise. He hadn't even thought about that. Ben fits with them so well. It seems all so easy. The idea of buying a house together occurred to John and Sarah almost at the same time, and he had automatically put Ben in the picture too. Ben, however, is not attached to them in any way. He's free to come and go as he pleases. 

''I would bring him legally into this relationship if I could,''  
He knows he sounds almost petulant, but John doesn't really care about it at the moment. 

It's not the first time they're talked about this. They both agree on this as well. Sarah has suggested a simple committent ceremony. It's not quite like a marriage, but it's the closest they can get to it. Buying a house together would add another layer. John doesn't want either of his partners to question their place in his life or each other's lives. Having this conversation and Ben's demeanour earlier tells John that he's left it almost too late. He has ti finish this case and take care of his family. 

''Love you,''  
He murmurs, squeezing Sarah's fingers and she grins at him, understanding his thought process. 

They finish dinner in silence and then settle on the sofa with another glass of wine. John shares what he can about the case. A noise on the stairs catches his attention, and he turns his head to see Ben move from the stairway to the kitchen. He has boxers on, but no shirt, and his feet are bare. The younger man pours himself a glass of water before he moves towards both of them in the sitting room.

''Mind if I join you?''  
His voice is still full of sleep and he looks absolutely adorable.

Sarah scoots over and Ben settles down on the sofa. John reaches for the throw they keep around for these kinds of evenings and Ben happily settles under it with a quiet sigh, pillowing his head on Sarah's lap. He rubs his cheek against her thigh and groans softly when she buries her fingers in his hair. It's one of the little things about Ben Jones both Barnabys have picked up during their time together.

''Sorry to interrupt your evening,''  
He murmurs, eyes almost completely closed and John frowns. 

''You're not interrupting anything, sweetheart,''  
Sarah's voice is soothing and she scrapes her nails across his scalp.

Ben's breathing evens out and he instinctively buries closer to Sarah's warmth. They look so beautiful and peaceful together. Ben fits within their little world like a piece they didn't know was missing before they got together. John knows Ben will take care of his family if something happens. They would also do the same thing for him. It really seals the deal for John. He thinks about the ring design he and Sarah chose. It's a pattern that carries the Welsh within it. Although Ben doesn't speak the language, he is still Welsh by blood, and John thinks it would be disrespectful to forget that. He remembers finding the design by a random chance. Somehow the search engine on his computer decided to take him to a website of Celtic jewellery, and there it was. He had to show Sarah. John remembers her eyes glistening and her breath catching. Ben is just important to her as he is to John. 

They sit and talk for a while longer before John yawns and Sarah nudges Ben awake.  
''Come on, back to bed,''  
Her tone is soothing and Ben offers both of them a sleepy smile.

They shuffle back upstairs and settle down, both men on each side of Sarah. Ben is asleep three seconds later again, and Sarah soon follows. John is awake for a while longer, watching his lovers, his partners. There is an unmistakable swell of emotions in his chest, and he knows what he wants to do. They are close to wrapping the case up, and he can't wait. There are more important things for him at the moment. Not that the victims and their families don't matter. But personally for John Barnaby – his family comes first.


End file.
